From: "carly" Date: Tue, 18 Apr 2000 23:46:05 -0700 Subject: NEW: Terminal Hearts (1/1) by Lydia Harkness Source: xff Terminal Hearts (1/1) by: Lydia Harkness email: xpositions@yahoo.com distribution: Gossamer, Spookys, Ephemeral. Anywhere else please email me. (I won't say no, I just like to know.) spoilers/time frame: Christmas Carol, Emily, All Souls / non-specific time-frame (sometime after the Emily ordeal...it's simply amazing how short our character's memory-spans are....) rating: G classification: S summary: stranded on Christmas Eve, Mulder and Scully find a way to reconcile the past. author's notes: read more of my fanfic at: http://www.geocities.com/x-review (hurry, before it closes!) I don't know why, but I thought I'd post this little Christmas tale I wrote quite a while ago. I'm either really really early, or really really late. _____ Dana Scully watched with detached curiosity as the first snowflake floated down on the other side of the window pane. For a moment she let herself drift...forgetting where she was, who she was with; she imagined her mother's cheery living room. The Christmas tree sparkling gently. Laughter emanating from the kitchen as she and Bill helped clean up after their Christmas dinner. Instead the only sounds of holiday cheer came from the grumpy travelers around her: "Excuse you!" "Sorry lady. I didn't mean to bump you." "Yeah right. You sound real sorry." "Hey bitch, calm down okay?" Scully just closed her eyes and let the sounds of tourists and grumpy vacationers melt away. All of Detroit Metro Airport slowly melted away...She wished away the haughty flight attendants, pushy travelers, and screaming children. All of it melted away like that first little snowflake... Without realizing it, she had witnessed her restraint. What would keep her and several hundred people stuck at Detroit Metro Airport for God knows how long. One little snowflake that would precede millions of others, all bearing in their direction. A swirling snowstorm of grinch-hood, determined to keep her and her partner miserable as they awaited their flight on Christmas Eve. 'What a way to spend the holidays...', Scully mused to herself. Part of herself was still angry with Mulder. It had all been so excruciatingly humiliating. So humiliating... Scully closed her eyes, but Randy's face when he suddenly reappeared still smiled back at her. They'd been asked out to Michigan to investigate Randy Scrogg's "abduction". Scully's face turned red just thinking about it. Absolutely humiliating. It was so like Mulder to call her out on an "important case" that the local authorities just couldn't handle on their own. And could it wait a day or two? Oh no. She could still see the look on her partner's face as he described the mystery surrounding Randy Scroggs. At twelve he'd been abducted by aliens. Well, that's what his step-father had claimed. Then, three days ago, he'd disappeared again under mysterious circumstances. Who knows how Mulder found out about the case. 'What does he do-actively seek out these nuts?!' No, she didn't want the answer to that question. Instead she turned from her contemplative stare out the window to find her partner. He stood not twenty feet away, gazing hopelessly at the computer monitor that dangled above his head. Just staring at it, like he could will it to change. Finally, his shoulders slumped in defeat and he headed in her direction. "It's no use Scully. It's been delayed." She just turned back to stare out the window as flakes fell silently on to the tarmac. "C'mon Scully. I'm really sorry. I know I've ruined your Christmas... but it's not that bad...is it?" Before she could answer, she felt a tiny tug on the back of her overcoat, just above the hemline. And a tiny voice accompanied it. "Mommy...how long 'till we go home?" Scully turned in surprise at the innocence behind here. A small girl, with long ash-blonde hair looked up at Scully. Her face was round and eyes full of sleepy surprise. "You're not my mommy..." "No, I..." Scully was cut off as a woman rushed up to take the small girl by the hand. "Emileen, I told you to stay put! I've been at the phones this whole time." The woman bent protectively over Emileen and ran her hand along her cheek before scooping her up and turning to face Scully. "I'm very sorry to disturb you." "That's alright." Scully watched as the pair walked off, and eventually melted in to the crowds that bustled around them. 'Mommy...What a magical word.' Scully thought to herself, oblivious to her partner. Her mood had been thoughtful quiet since their arrival at the airport. She knew as soon as she had walked through the automatic doors and out of the blistering cold that this was the wonderful place she'd be spending her holiday. Strangely, the frustration and impatience that would normally accompany such a situation was far from her. Instead, she watched for Emileen's tiny form among the crowds. 'Mommy...how long 'till we go home?' _____ Scully shed the black overcoat onto the chair she sat in, and inwardly smiled at the sudden release. The presence of so many bodies in such a confining area had raised the temperature god-knows-how-much. Scully wanted to lean back, stretch her tired arms, kick off the heels that clung mercilessly to her tired feet, and watch the plastic colored lights and fake Christmas trees from half-closed, deliriously content eyes. Instead, she moved her neck from side to side, allowing a tiny 'crunch', and rubbed her eyes. Where Mulder was she could only guess. Finagling their rental car back? Findinga taxi cab? A vacant motel? A cardboard box to spend the night in? 'He looked so guilty. So terribly guilty. I wonder if he really feels like this is his fault. Like he can control the weather. Like he's responsible for it all. How Mulder. To take the weight of the world and place it on his martyred frame; to truly believe the world revolves around Fox. Poor Mulder.' Despite her thoughts, she smiled sadly to herself and looked around. Weary travelers sat discontented in the rows of plastic chairs all around her. There was no doubt about it...this was her worst Christmas ever. Well, only another could compare. A mixed blessing and curse. A gift taken away too soon...what no mother should face... She let the soft smile linger around the corners of her mouth as she thought of Emily looking upward from a car seat in fascination at her tiny gold cross. There were times she could think about Emily and the sadness stayed just far enough away for her to enjoy the memory. Any anger, fear, guilt she felt was held back a moment as she contemplated large silent eyes staring back at her. She'd been so shy... A little girl's sudden giggle interrupted her reverie, and that rare moment was gone. The small girl from before...'Oh, her name..her name...like Emily, but long...' Emileen stood just a few feet away, as she claimed the chair opposite Scully as her own. "Mommy, I found us some seats!" Emileen looked proudly behind her as her mother approached, loaded down with bags and overcoats. Now she saw what Emileen had seen, and where her confusion had come from. Emileen's mother was short and petite with auburn hair just barely reaching her shoulder. Over her small frame hung a long black coat. Beyond there, the differences stopped. She had the haggard, worn face of a mother and wife wearing joyfully to pieces. 'Have you looked in the mirror today, Dana? There's fewer differences than you think.' Scully had lost sense of herself, staring at Emileen. Another voice shook her. "Hello, again." Emileen's mother had sat on the crummy plastic blue seats facing hers. "I'm sorry again about earlier. Emileen knows better than to wander off like that." With that, she gave a half-serious reprimanding look to her daughter. "Mommy, she looks like you." She regarded Scully with an upturned chin and soft hazel eyes. Scully looked back at Emileen with the same mock-suspicious stare. "That's alright. It's not everyday I have the pleasure of being mistaken for a mother." At that her mother laughed. "Pleasure?!" She looked at Emileen who still stared at Scully with a hint of suspicion, as if to say-'how dare you steal my mommy's looks!'. "Yea, pleasure." She ruffled the hair on her daughters head, and then turned back to Scully. She reached over and offered her hand. "My name's Diane Mahoney." "Hi. I'm Sc....Dana." "Nice to meet you Dana. It's just terrible, isn't it? What a way to spend Christmas..." Scully looked around in hopes of catching a glimpse of Mulder. "Still no sign of it letting up, huh?" "I'm afraid not," she said, looking at Emileen. "Santa might have to make a special stop, this time." _____ "Merry Christmas, girlfriend." Scully smiled at her suddenly-appeared partner. "Where have you been?" "Oh, just spreading a little Christmas cheer. But no one's takin'." "No way out, I take it?" "Sorry, lady. You're stuck with me and about five hundred people." "Mulder, I was looking forward to the smell of fresh pine and a Yule log. Instead I smell stale pee and old liquor." "So that shower didn't help at all, huh?" He dipped his head into his overcoat and sniffed. "Har, har." she said, rolling her eyes and giving a fake laugh. "You know, I've got a feeling someone's getting a lump of coal for Christmas." "Wouldn't be a change from what I normally get. The big-wigs upstairs send me some every year." "And you still haven't taken the hint yet?" "Oh there's no way they're getting rid of me, Scully." "Figures." Scully turned back to the case file in front of her. "You know, I still can't get over this. Mulder-how on earth did you find out about this case?!" It was so obscure. A small boy abducted by aliens disappears fifteen years later. There must have been dozens of similar cases in their downstairs office. Why this one? And why now? He shifted in his seat and looked around. "Oh, you know. Usual channels." Scully cocked an eyebrow in suspicion. "Mulder..." "Scully, you hungry at all? Think maybe I'll grab us something to eat." "Mulder....how did you find out about Randy's abduction?" Across the aisle, Emileen got up from her place on the floor to show her mother something, leaving in her wake a trail of discarded crayons and wax smudges. They exchanged whispers and secret smiles. He hemmed and hawed, and didn't answer. "Mulder...." Emileen suddenly interrupted, showing off proudly her crude coloring. "Miss Dana, lookit. It's you and my mommy. You look like twins." Scully took the drawing in two shaky hands. "Emileen this is so good!" Mulder leaned over her shoulder to get a good look, then turned to Diane. "Looks like you've got a regular Rembrandt on your hands." She smiled at the compliment and nodded at the abstract work. "More like a Picasso." Diane reached over the aisle. "I've met Dana already. You are...." "Fox Mulder." "Nice to meet you, Fox. Diane Mahoney." Emileen stared up at him and mouthed his name. "Fox..." Then with her chin upturned, said frankly, "That's a silly name." "Emileen!" "It's okay; I agree." Mulder leaned forward towards Emileen. "Most people just call me Mulder, but you can call me Fox." Scully scoffed silently, and then leaned towards him in a mock innocence. "Why can't I just call you 'Fox'?" She turned back towards the file she held. "Mulder....." Emileen still stood before him, sizing him up. "Mulder....I like 'Fox' better." Suddenly Scully turned to Mulder in a moment of revelation. A paper from the case file she held in her hand was flung in his face. "Mulder....Randy Scrogg's step-father....he's a retired reporter?!" His face couldn't conceal the shock. Her disinterest in the case from the beginning had guaranteed she wouldn't look more closely than necissary. She was looking at him with that look. Well, practically guaranteed her disinterest. "So...what's your point?" "...a retired reporter....from The Enquirer?! A tabloid paper?!" "Maybe I'll just grab us something to eat." He said, standing up. "This has been a fraud from the beginning...and you knew!" Mulder looked like a scared rabbit as his eyes searched the terminal for shelter from her suspicious stare. Anywhere...anywhere... "I'm hungry...you?" "You never answered my question." "Oh, you can call me a fox, as long as you really believe it." "That's not what I was talking about and you know it. Randy Scroggs...." "I'll be back in a few." Scully sighed and returned to the case file in front of her, filled with a sneaking suspicion more than ever, and Emileen surprised at her new friend's departure. _____ "So how long have you and Fox been together?", Diane asked kindly. "Six years now." "Six years? And no engagement ring?!" Scully felt the sudden blush rise to her face as her cheeks warmed. "Oh, no. We just work together. We're not, you know, together." "Oh I see. You two seem so close. I hope I didn't offend you." Scully could only bring herself to shake her head with a weak smile. 'How many times have we been mistaken for a couple? Four? Five? Who's counting...' Scully glanced around the terminal. 'Where is Mulder, anyways?' He had bolted after mentioning Randy Scroggs and that silly abduction, and was now probably lost in airport hell. Now she was left alone to fend off the suggestions and implications of a woman she didn't even know. A woman who's life she envied too much... Scully smiled to herself as Emileen climbed into Diane's lap, and snuggled between the folds of her coat. The blonde hair nestled just below her chin, and her little legs dangled high above the ground. She would normally have reprimanded herself for imposing on such a personal moment, but this time she let herself watch. They fit together, like a puzzle. Mother and daughter. Daughter and mother. Inseparable and imperishable love. Any other time, Scully would have felt like a traitor to her character, allowing her guard to come down. But this was just one moment....one moment was all she had ever asked for. 'Emily...', she thought the name. Not as a person, or a child, but as a concept. An idea of happiness and love. 'Emily...' Diane stroked her daughter's hair, as she smiled deeply. Emileen had taken a strand of her mother's hair and was twirling it on her finger as if it were the most amazing thing she'd ever seen. Diane suddenly looked up at Scully with a gentle, understanding smile. Caught off guard, Scully silenced the inner voice that cooed and crooned over the sight before her. Instead, she reached for her laptop and flipped the screen up. For a moment she sat staring at the dark screen as if she didn't know what to do next. Just above the rim of the screen, mother and daughter were holding one another. Just out of her reach was the vision of familial perfection she dreamed she might once enjoy. Just out of reach... Scully pressed the button in front of her. Click. Whirllll. Beeeep. "Mommy, sing me a song?" One by one the icons made their appearance as a spinning sand timer told her impatient mind that the computer was still loading. "What song, sweetheart?" Scully tapped her finger against the touch pad. My Documents. Case Files. Case #X101779. Addendum 1. "Silent Night." Scully closed her eyes...'Concentrate. Focus.' She began to type: 'Although Agent Mulder and I were unable to come to a mutual agreement on the cause of Randy Scroggs' disappearance....' Two voices in gentle unison: "Silent night. Holy night. All is calm. All is bright. Round yon virgin..." '...we were able to assist local law enforcement in...' "...mother and child..." A tall figure suddenly invaded her peripheral vision, and Scully was grateful for the momentary distraction it provided. "Mulder, where have you been?" "I told you. I was getting us something to eat." "You've been gone nearly an hour!" She looked helplessly at him. "And you came back empty-handed!" "Sorry. Food seems to be a scarcity around here." "Mulder, are you avoiding me?" He eased himself into the seat next to her and gave her a look of incredulous disbelief. "Why on earth would I be avoiding you, Scully?" "Because you won't tell me how you found out about Randy Scroggs' case." "Look: typical x-file. I dug it up a week ago after his step-father reported his disappearance to the bureau." "I don't believe you." "Believe what you want; that's the way it is." "And what made this x-file so urgent, Mulder?!" "Scully, we've worked together for six years. I think you should know about my priorities by now." "Maybe our priorities are a little different." She watched as his face fell, betraying a sense of disappointment. His jaw hardened as he looked away. "That's not what I meant to say....Mulder have you ever considered spending the holidays with your family?" He looked her unflinchingly in the eyes. "That's what I'm doing right now." He looked away again as his voice softened. She could barely hear him. "You're all I've got. You know that." "Mulder....Randy Scroggs?" "Wha....where?" "No. I'm asking....Randy Scroggs. Did you know before we left for Michigan that his disappearance was a fraud?" "Are you suggesting I knowingly used bureau funds and time on a case with no merit?" "I don't know Mulder..." He sighed and smiled that goofy smile. "You're all I've got." Scully closed her eyes and tried to wish him away. Getting a straight answer from him was near impossible. But the idea that he'd used an x-file to be with her on Christmas...Heartbreakingly sweet...Infuriatingly stupid..."Turkey jerky?" Scully was afraid to open her eyes. Against all common sense, she took a deep breath and slowly lifted her eyelids. Before her a hand was waving a tiny bag of turkey jerky. "Surprise. Got us something after all." "Mulder, I don't want any of that crap." She didn't look at him. She didn't need to. She knew the look on his face. She knew the way he was sitting. She knew that his heart was in the right place, '...but turkey jerky?!' Against all better judgement, she finally turned towards him. "I figured this is as close as you're gonna get to a real Christmas dinner." "Gee, thanks Mulder. I'm touched." "Don't blow me off, Scully. You should've seen the old lady I had to fight off to get this." He waved the bag in her face again. "Last bag." Suddenly she snatched it away from him. "Hey!" "It's your fault we're stuck here. I get the jerky." "My fault?!" "Don't even start, Mulder. Yes, your fault." "Don't you wanna know what else I got us?" With way too much pride, he pulled from his coat a packet of Lays potato chips. "This is since you won't be having any mashed potatoes with your turkey." From his other pocket came a can of grape juice. "This is cause you won't be enjoying any wine with your holiday meal." He held up his items like they were treasures, and he expected her to be grateful. She could still hear Diane and Emileen singing. "...Sleep in hea-venly pe-eace. Sle-ep in heavenly peace." Her eyes shifted somewhat uncertainly between Mulder and Emileen. Resemblance was a long ways off, but the presence of a child felt so familiar and longed for and... "Woohoo, Scully. I'm over here." Mulder looked at her with annoyed concern, waiting for some kind of response. Before she knew it, the tears had sprung to her eyes. Scully tossed that stupid bag of dried meat back at Mulder and darted up from her chair. She could just see her family. The candles lit and the gentle laughter that would be coming from her mother's dining room. One empty seat, and her mother's look of gentle concern. Scully had no doubt her mother knew precisely where she was. Or rather, with who. Scully pushed silently through the crowds, searching for somewhere, anywhere, she could be alone. Somewhere where she couldn't be found, at least not by Mulder... Mulder sat there confounded. She was mad at him. He looked around, and couldn't imagine why. Tourists. Families. Pushy, noisy, grumpy people. This isn't how his Scully should spend her holiday. His selfishness had taken from her the time of year that only comes round once. He had her 364 days of the year. Why couldn't he just let her go at Christmas time? Diane and Mulder watched in surprise as Emileen suddenly hopped off her mother's lap and followed Scully through the crowd. "Emileen! Honey, where are you going? Sweetheart, come back!" _____ Scully pushed open the door to the restroom and breathed a sigh of relief. Despite the hundreds of bodies that crowded Detroit Metro Airport, some divine miracle had ordained that the bathroom would be deserted. After checking below each and every stall for a pair of legs, Scully turned towards the mirror. For a moment she contemplated her features; her streaked and weary eyes, her frazzled hair. 'Just breathe, Dana. Don't cry. It's not worth it. Don't cry, Dana.' Instead she reached for a paper towel and dabbed it under the running water. Suddenly the bathroom door swung open, and before she had time to be disappointed at the interruption, the tiny voice spoke up. "I know why you're sad, Miss Dana." She dropped the paper towel and turned. "Emileen, did you follow me in here? Where's your mother?" "I know why you're sad, Miss Dana." Scully smiled at her simplistic stubbornness, and stooped before her. "Why am I sad?" "You're afraid Santa won't bring you what you want most for Christmas." "What's that?" "A baby." 'A baby. A baby. A baby. My baby. My daughter. Emily.' Scully's mind spoke the words without comprehension. Without understanding this little girl and her innate gift of perception. 'A baby.' The word no longer made sense to her. But the bathroom walls were melting away and all she could see was Emileen's big dark eyes as they stared back at her in wonder. A knowing look of wonder.Scully's mouth opened but the sounds didn't emerge. All that left her lips was a whisper and the feeling of the syllables as they tried to escape her. _____ Diane gently pushed the door open an inch. Just enough to see Dana Scully stooped down in front of her daughter with an expression of surprise and anguish streaked across her face. Against all better motherly judgement, she stood there and watched. Whatever Emileen had said must have stricken Dana, who sat crouched before her trying to say something. Diane jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to find Fox Mulder, with a look of impatient concern. Stepping into the bathroom, Diane took Emileen's hand an led her out. Fox's face showed nothing but appreciation. _____ When he stepped into the bathroom, she was still crouched on the floor, tears welling up in her eyes. The words still lingered in her mind, and if she could she would have crushed them out of her. Instead, she stood and found herself immediately in her partner's arms. Maybe he could crush the tears, the pain, the anger, and the confusion out of her. Maybe if she held her breath long enough, the tears would go away. And maybe if he could hold her tighter, she'd loose all concept of herself and fade away into their togetherness. Instead, fighting back the tears only made breathing more difficult. When she finally allowed herself a breath, a giant sob escaped her, muffled by his overcoat. 'Just breathe, Dana. Don't cry. It's not worth it. Don't cry, Dana.' She felt his grasp on her increasing at her sudden show of emotion. She didn't want Mulder to see her like this. The pain and anger that she had so carefully wrapped in blank determination was unraveling at his touch. 'Hold your breath. Don't breathe and the tears will stop. Stop crying, Dana. Stop it.' His voice suddenly reminded her of the silence of the bathroom. "Scully I..." "Shhhh." 'I don't need his words now. I don't need his comfort. I just need...' "Just hold me." Every bone in Dana Scully's body could have been crushed by the simultaneous force and gentleness in which he held her. It was unnerving. "Scully, I know you don't want me to talk, but I think you need to listen." She wanted to shut out his voice. Bar the pain and memories of another Christmas it might bring. That he'd known...'God, he'd known! He'd known about what they'd done to me and hadn't told me! That he'd known! He'd known Randy's abduction was a fraud and dragged me out here anyways!' "I want you to know I'm sorry. About..." Mulder faltered over her name; the first time he'd spoken her name in a year, but certainly not the first time he'd thought of her. "...about Emily. I'm sorry." Suddenly she was still. More silent. She hadn't expected him to say her name. It was the topic they'd carefully avoided for the past year. The stillness of the bathroom seemed to buzz around them, and their sense of aloneness increased. He knew she was finally listening. "I'm so sorry. I...I know you think there are times...times when I'm not watching. And I see you let your guard down. I see you. I don't want you feel like you have to be careful around me. I want to see you." Scully closed her eyes and willed her ears to stop listening. He'd hit the soft spot. That grandiose gift of hers to shut-down on a moments notice. To become emotionally unavailable in the name of professionalism. After six years he'd named it and called her bluff. It was then that she felt it against her forehead; his lips slightly brushing just below her hairline. In any other instance she would have righted herself, removed herself, and consoled herself...alone. But his kiss was one of comfort and compassion. And he needed to show his affection as much as she needed to receive it. His hand on the back of her head suddenly became more heavy to her. His embrace was claustrophobic. His words were too true, and yet vague enough for her to easily dismiss them. If Scully thought of breaking free from his hold, she didn't let it last. He took a deep breath, and she knew he was looking down at her. "I saw you watching Emileen. I know it's hard. But when you have to pretend around me...that just makes it harder. For yourself and me." Scully's tears had flown freely already, but she thought she heard his voice catch, and the possibility that he too might be hurting suddenly dawned on her. "I miss her too. And I miss my partner. I hate what that did to you. But I can't protect you, Scully. As much as I want to, goddamn you, you won't let me. You can't keep hiding it from me. You can't." He held her still tighter, and she sniffled gently. His head leaned in closer to hers, but instead of a kiss, his lips planted words just millimeters from her forehead. This time when he spoke, the emotion was still there; the sadness wasn't. She could hear the smile in his words. "I got you something, Scully." In surprise she looked up. "We said no gifts this year, Mulder. This time for real." "It's nothing big...I just think you need to remember that not all memories have to be bad." >From his overcoat he pulled a small, cheap looking snow globe. It was ridiculously simplistic...even for Mulder. The snow swirled ironically around a grounded airplane with a Christmas wreath hanging from it's nose. Around the base, the tiny painted letters spelled out: HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM DETROIT METRO AIRPORT. She pulled away slightly as he shook it and pressed it into her hands. "Merry Christmas, Scully. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to spend it with anyone else." She smiled, and the sudden onslaught of emotion brought tears to her eyes. "Mulder, this is the crappiest present I've ever gotten." Suddenly she pulled back into his embrace. "Thank you so much." "You know I'd do anything for you." The silence surrounding them became too much, and when she finally made a move towards release, he didn't restrain her. Instead, he held her at arms length. For the first time, she looked at him; her eyes full of tears she refused to let fall. "Anything?" The wicked curl played about his lips, and she could only guess what he might be thinking. "Well, what did you have in mind?" "I want to go home, Mulder." _____ Diane looked up in surprise as Dana and Fox made their way towards their things, and began picking them up. "Miss Dana, where are you going?" Emileen looked up at her with those heartbreakingly large eyes. Eyes that Scully looked back at with the warmest smile. She bent down and looked at Emileen. "It's time for Fox and I to go now." She righted herself and looked confidently at her partner. "Right, Mulder?" "I don't understand, Dana." Diane stepped forward with a trace of concern still lingering on her face. "The weather's terrible. Where on earth will you go?" Mulder stepped forward and placed his hand on Scully's back. "I think it's time we just brave the weather....together." THE END (Terminal Hearts, 1/1) thanX for reading! Please, please please tell me what you thought! xpositions@yahoo.com and read more of my fanfic here: http://www.geocities.com/x-review before it's too late!