From: Megan Kennedy Date: Thu, 10 Feb 2000 16:38:09 -0800 (PST) Subject: "Dialogue V" Source: direct Title: "Dialogue V: Locked In" Author: Megan E. Kennedy Email address: mekamorph@yahoo.com Rating: G Category: VH Spoilers: none Keywords: Mulder/Scully goofing off Summary: The agents must amuse themselves until the locksmith arrives. Disclaimer: I _am_ Chris Carter! Mulder and Scully and Skinner and everyone else belong to _me_! Ha! What do you make of _that_, you super-logical robot?! Nyahh! Additional disclaimer: The Powder Puff Girls aren't mine. I'm not sure who owns em, I just know it's not me. Author's notes: Yet another installment in the "Dialogues" series. They stand alone, blah blah, short and funny, blah blah, mostly two characters talking, blah blah others are: "The Shrunken Head" "Krycek's Bleeding" "Twenty Questions" and "First Aid." Enjoy. "Dialogue V: Locked In" by Megan E. Kennedy Fox Mulder carefully positioned his finger on his weapon. Aim was essential. He raised it carefully, eyes locked on his target. He pulled his finger back...farther...farther... FIRE! Dana Scully jumped as a rubber band hit her in the small of the back. "No, sir. Yes, sir. I understand. Thank you." She hung up and rubbed her back. "Skinner says that the locksmiths are on their way. Would you mind a peace treaty?" "Yes." He fired off another rubber band. This went wide and pinged against a glass jar on the shelf. The contents, a shrunken head named Martin, gurgled in Creole and faced the wall. "Mulder, shooting rubber bands is really juvenile." "So?" "Sooo...you're thirty-seven years old." "Men have a longer adolescence than women." "Mulder?" "Yes, my Toilet Duck?" "Shut up." "Okay." "And if you ever call me your 'toilet duck' again I'm going to make your life miserable." "Whatever you say, my Scrubbing Bubble." Scully gave him a sidelong glance. "What is it with you and the cleaning supplies?" Mulder shrugged. "I hadn't noticed, my-" "Don't say it. Whatever you were going to call me, don't." "You wound me, Scully." "I'll do it deeper if you keep on like this." "Into S&D, are we, my little Snuggle Bear?" Scully very calmly picked up a rubber band and shot it at Mulder. It struck him on the upper lip. "Not hardly, my Cookie Man." "OW! That hurt. That's not fair. And Snackwells aren't cleaning supplies." "Do you really want to argue with me?" "Not with that new bag of rubber bands I saw in the your desk drawer." "I thought not." "Though I would leg wrestle with you." "What?!" "Leg wrestle." Scully dodged another rubber band as it sailed past her shoulder. "Where did the leg wrestling reference come from?" "Well, you can't shoot rubber bands while you're leg wrestling, and since I have the height advantage..." "Mulder, do you realize what it would look like if the locksmiths arrived to find us leg wrestling?" He got a goofy grin on his face when quickly faded as he continued his mental scenario. "You're right, it wouldn't do." "Thank you." "We'd have to wait until the locksmith was gone." Scully performed a feat she hadn't tried since the fifth grade: firing two rubber bands at once. Mulder was unable to dodge. "I don't know what your sudden fascination with leg wrestling is, and I don't think I want to. So let's just end this line of conversation right here." "Whatever you say, my Keebler elf." "Mulder, when have you seen a female elf?" "You know...now that I think about it..." The rubber band he had been holding went wild and hit a book. "I don't think there are female Keebler elves. Which raises the question of how they procreate." "Mulder, they're cartoon characters." "You brought it up." "I was joking! I didn't think you'd turn it into a full-blown conspiracy theory." "It's not a conspiracy theory, Scully, it's..." He made a face. "It's a _very_ nasty mental image." "Well, don't share. I don't need it." "For that matter, how did the Seven Dwarves procreate? Is that why they were so nice to Snow White?" "Mulder!" Scully fired off another rubber band, which landed among the sunflower seeds. "Excuse me for thinking aloud!" "If you're going to be like that, have you ever considered that the elf and dwarf women are repressed and are just kept at home, barefoot and pregnant?" "You know, they probably do have short lifespans..." "This is going to bug you all day, isn't it?" "Of course, I have an eidetic memory." "And you're going to go nuts trying to figure this out?" "Obviously." "Good." She felt the rubber band impact her shin before she saw it. "Low blow, Fox Mulder!" "You deserved it for being so mean." Scully looked at their stubbornly locked office door. "You're being petty again, Mulder." "Of course, my little Powder Puff Girl." Scully's head snapped up. "Your _what_?" "C'mon, Scully, the Power Puff Girls! You've never heard of them?" "No. Although if they're anything like the Spice Girls I'll pass." "The Power Puff Girls are cartoon characters. They're sweet little third-graders with super powers who smite evil and...stuff." "And stuff." "Yeah." Scully took aim with her rubber band. "Are you saying I'm a sweet little third-grader who smites stuff?" "Not...necessarily." Scully shot it anyway. "There was no right answer there, Mulder." "Thanks, now my arm's going to fall off." "Goody. I can practice my sutures." Mulder didn't quite know whether to laugh. They sat in silence for about ten minutes, doing various things to occupy the time. Finally, in perfect unison, they each raised a rubber band to fire. They burst out laughing. "Agents?" A sharp rapping on the door and a familiar baritone voice shut them up quickly. "Is everything okay in there?" Mulder recovered first. "Yes, yes sir, A-okay." "All right," Skinner said dubiously. "The locksmith is stuck in traffic, so it'll be a few more minutes. Are you sure that won't be a problem?" "Oh, no, sir," Scully said sweetly, then under her breath added, "because I've got more rubber bands." Mulder gulped.