From: severini Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1998 20:14:18 +0100 Subject: Cryopods 1/1 TITLE: Cryopods 1/1 AUTHOR: Olivia Severini E-MAIL ADDRESS: DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me! Okay for Gossamer. SPOILER WARNING: Fight The Future. RATING: G CLASSIFICATION: V/A/UST SUMMARY: It takes place after Mulder and Scully are rescued from Antarctica. I assumed they took them in a sort of hospital. AUTHOR'S NOTE: Before you plunge into it there is still an important thing I have to say first. I'm not an English native speaker. I'm still learning English at school, so please forgive me if it is not very good. I welcome any corrections via e-mail...I would REALLY appreciate any comment! DISCLAIMERS: They aren't mine. This one is for Patty. And for Tim. ------------------------ TITLE: Cryopods 1/1 By Olivia Severini ------------------------ You look so peaceful now. So young. Your skin has lost that deadly paleness, but those ugly frostbite signs on your face are still there to remind me of this last nightmare. The doctors say the scars will go away soon, and you are going to be fine, but I know that's another lie. The scars on your face may disappear, but those inside you won't. As I watch you sleep in another hospital bed, I can perceive a new range of demons threatening your rest. And I know I can't shield you from them. But your nightmares are mine, Scully. The image of you trapped in that cryopod will haunt me forever. I just want to stay here now, and watch you sleep. I can't protect your dreams, but maybe we can still fight our demons together. I dream of holding you tight, but I'm too afraid to take your hand. I'm afraid of hurting you again. I want to take you away, far from the cold, to a place where the sun shines warm and no one knows us. But now I know there isn't such a place. At least not for me. My cryopod is called Truth and I can never break free. I saw a sunbeam peering through barren haze once and held it for five long years. It's warmth protected me for a time ... but I lost the hope it gave. Sometimes I think that if you hated me, I would feel less guilty. If you weren't so wonderful, it would be easier to let you go. They told me that you kept asking for me and though you were worn out, you didn't fall asleep till you saw I was fine. I don't deserve your love, Scully. You should understand this and get away from me. Far. You are the strongest person I've ever meet, my defence against madness; the thought that you can be as fragile and frightened as anyone else scares the hell out of me. Because I feel I can't protect you the way you protect me everyday. I shouldn't have let go like that in my hallway. I know how dangerous just holding you may be . But your eyes were full of tears and everything seemed so simple, so right. It would be a perfect way to trap you here forever. A loving deceit. You're stirring now. I don't want you to find me here. I try to sneak out; but as I hear you whispering my name, I can't help turning. Your gazing eyes lock me and suddently I'm afraid of my thoughts. I have to break this moment or I'll do something wrong. You are free from your cryopod Scully, please run away. "I was going to throw you a snowball to wake you" I strive to sound sulky, but you know me too well. You prop up against the pillows and do the worst thing you can; you smile. In a blink all my stoic intents fade away and I find myself grinning at you like an idiot. A long moment ticks by between us. I'm bemused. What are you thinking? I have entered the minds of the worst serial killers, but I can't feel your thoughts. My sight is blurred by a perpetual fever that prevents me from gaining access to your thoughts.. Love isn't everything, Scully. Real life isn't as simple as a soap opera. You are here because of me, you've already looked death in face, you lost your sister and your daughter because of this fever of mine and this hasn't much to do with love. Even now, though I would die for you, I don't know yet what is the best thing to do. The grin on my face is gone, and I can't help staring at you. You look fine now and you are safe, but I know this is just a matter of time. This odd moment will pass and we will be back on the road. I'll be gone, ditching you again to chase after my hollow cause. I've always scorned what other people care for; a nice home, a loving wife, kids ... I wonder if it is because I know these things will never fit my cryopod. It will never allow me to let you come as close as I would, as sometimes I dream of. And maybe Scully, this is for the best. - Finis. Thanks for reading till here! ;)